CVs

Hallo. How are you? Good? Yeah, me too.

I had an extremely long day! I was forming superman - flying from one lab to the other saving the world with contaminated nanotubes and solar cells. And then, my supervisor banned me from contacting him every other day. And then, I was sent to a dungeon lab with heavy metals everywhere looking for heads to drop on. Dem no see me oo! Well, on the bright side, there hasn't been any more explosions and I'm finally getting some reasonable results. Progress!

I have a question. Is there any medical term that sounds like 'Curriculum Vitae Phobia'? I think I have it. Any time I hear those words, I cringe. How can an adult that claims to be educated  be scared of writing a common CV? It gets even more confusing when Résumé is mentioned. During my NYSC days, I attended seminars, bought books (I never read them though) with the aim of learning how to write some kick-ass CVs, but still as blank as ever. I know that I am not an olodo, why can't my brain accommodate the art of writing CVs? Hey Docs or Pharms or Junkies, are there any anti-phobia drugs in the market yet? Please help a sister.

I'm sure you are wondering why I'm talking about CVs, well, I dey find scholarship for PhD. Please, if you have a sister or brother that knows the cousin of the son of the fourth wife of the uncle of anybody that can recommend me to any award board, please, drop a name for me. I may not know how to write a CV but I think I can conduct an academic research. HELP ME PLEASE!!

Back to CVs! They may be fearsome but some people do know how to make everything fun! Check out some pretty funny CVs or Résumés or job applications I've seen on the internet on my quest for CVs to plagiarize.
A commenter added,  ''If you'd like, I can exhume the corpse and we can examine it together at your earliest convenience. I have several industrial-strength shovels and a panel van full of antique surgical equipment. I've also taken the liberty of monitoring the house of the deceased manager's family in the unlikely event of his return. Anyway, I'm actually not very qualified for the job itself, but, as you can see, I'm eager to learn. In fact you can literally see it, because I'm standing outside your office window holding the aforementioned shovels. Let's go.''





Don't you just love humans?

That kid that never gets it right!

Hey People.  How una dey? I just say make I try update something before another three years go pass again. Before I start, please, I'm still a serious JJC in this blogging ish. Can someone tell me how to change that ''My World'' written up there. I probably wrote that three years ago when I had silly imaginations of being a reality TV star. It looks really lame to me now and I've been clicking on everything hoping it would lead me to a place to edit it. Please, help me rectify this embarrassment.

I experienced a serious setback in the lab today and I'm panicking a little. Stuff got too hot, rubbers melted, lid flew off, samples got contaminated, and I was banned from the furnace till further notice. Aren't you just glad you are not me right now? I just hope I can still meet up with the deadline.

I'm not going to say much about me. Tonight, I want to talk about something really important that we tend to take for granted. I saw an Indian movie last night. It was a really touching story and though there was no subtitle, I got the message all the same. It's about an eight year old boy who seemed pretty normal except for the fact that he just couldn't get anything right in school. He was always easily distracted and couldn't read nor write legibly. His father sent him off to a boarding school hoping he would get his acts together. But the poor boy was so depressed, teachers made fun of him, his classmates ridiculed him. To cut the long story short, an enlightened new teacher joined the school and noticed how detached the little boy was and after a little research, he discovered that the poor boy was dyslexic and he tried to help him overcome his disability. And it turns out that this boy is an extraordinary painter.

The movie opened my eyes to the sad treatment the ''dumb'' kids in schools get from their teachers and classmates. They get used to hearing that they are stupid and useless and can never get anything right that they start to believe it. Parents, especially, need to understand that all kids were born with their individual abilities and learn to stop comparing their children with other people's children, especially when they are still pretty young and trying to figure out what they are good at. Words of encouragement go a long way in moulding children into better scholars. I did not say you should ''wash'' your children's brain with lies and leave them feeling like they own the world and never actually make efforts to excel in school.

One of my favourite videos on youtube is about two little boys aged 3 and 6 that were being pranked by their mum that she ate all their halloween candy. In a segment of the video, the 3 year old  said that 2 + 2 equals 5. The elder brother replied, ''It's actually 4. But, Jay, you were so close''. Those words were amazing to me especially because it was coming from a little boy. That's the sort of encouragement kids need not spanks and scolds. Here's the link to the video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMuorX2mgrw

Nothing infuriates me like parents that tell their kids what courses they should take and what profession they should pursue when they grow up. WHY? To what end? I've decided, if my son wants to be a footballer, I'll buy football and boot for him. If my daughter says it's dancing she likes, I'll enrol her in a dance class. The duty of parents is to encourage you to be the best at what you are good at and not to force you into becoming something you'd rather not be. Don't get me wrong, my kids must know how to solve maths problems and understand some basic laws of physics, etc. but, it is their decision what they want to do with what they learn. Life is too short to spend it doing something you don't enjoy. Okay, I think I've digressed from the matter at hand.

I would've loved to go on and on about how all kids are special and how we should stop comparing them and how we should learn to appreciate their individuality and be patient with them and blah blah, but I can see some of you yawning and asking ''why so serious?!''. Make una no mind me oo! I promise not to post boring stuff again. Just a little awareness: Don't be so hard on that kid, you have no idea what is going on in his/her head.

Peace out!

This and That

So, it takes me 3 years after opening a blog account to actually type in one post. Talk about  procrastination at its finest. Funny thing is, I have no idea what I'm supposed to write about but I must write oo! I need to be able to write intelligent articles with great political and academic insights (and pigs fly) and at the same time be very informal and captivating in my writings. So, what to talk about?

Ehmmm.. Give me some minutes. I'll be right back..

 So, where were we? I plan to type at least 450 words tonight so ideas had better start flooding in.
Okay. I'll just do some really random talks.

1) Have you ever planned on making a change in your hairstyle and fantasized about how perfect you'd look when you are done? Well, about 2 weeks ago, I cut my hair! No, I didn't shave it, you crumpet! I still have a little left. So, here's the thing: I thought I would look so fantastic in a 'fro. Before the deed was done, I kept touching the 'unretouched' part of my hair thinking how great it would be if every part of my hair felt that way. Well, I took a pair of scissors and chopped off the 'retouched' part and left myself looking really queer in an afro. Plus, the hair texture was deceitful! It was so soft under before the chopping occurred but afterwards, combing it reminded me of the reason I had it chemically treated all these years! So for now, I'm stuck with a short style-less hair. Oh well, I bought a wig. I pray I don't get into one of those fights where hairs are pulled.

2) Waiting anxiously for my second semester results. I keep seeing them in my dreams and the grades keep changing every time. The exams and coursework weren't bad at all but still, I don't know what to expect. Well, keeping my fingers crossed and waiting for the almighty email bearing the fruits.

3) CHESS. Oh Chess. My rekindled love! Playing chess has become a default activity for me. I'm yet to become a grandmaster, of course, but I think I'm getting better with each passing day. Learnt a few tricks here and there. So, if you think you are good, holla and give me the chance to whoop your chess butt!

4)  Richard Castle. My new favourite TV character. Castle and Beckett (Caskett) hahaha! Can't believe I just made that up! Those two had great chemistry in seasons 1 to 4 until they kissed and ruined all the great love tension that made me watch the series in the first place. I think the anticipation of both of them realising that they belong together was more fun than both of them actually being together. And what was Castle thinking when he proposed at the end of season 5? Why must they end the season without a response from Beckett? Will she really move to the FBI and leave Espesito and Ryan at NYPD? The more important question is, WILL THERE BE A SEASON 6? Or will they end the show the way 'Lie To Me' ended without prior notice? I'll be so crushed if the story is over.

5) Online shopping and the evils! I'm almost broke because of ads that follow me everywhere on the internet. If you think of getting a friend a gift and you surf the internet for options like shoes, bags, wristwatches ... You will never be able to browse peacefully on the internet without 'new arrivals' popping up here and there. Trust yours faithfully to fall into their temptation. I tell myself I'm just going to do a little 'window shopping'. Next thing I know, I'm 'adding to basket' and the rest is history. I need to be banned from the internet for a while.

Oh look! More than 600 hundred words. (Flees).